Just some stuff I've been thinking about

Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.
— Jonathan Safran Foer

I read that quote last week and it said exactly what I've been feeling. I'm struggling with it a little.

Sometimes I think I must feel more than most people. Maybe I'm very soft and fleshy on the inside or something. Perhaps the inside of me is cavernous- with an enormous capacity to love. Either way, I just want more. I feel greedy for life, and it makes me feel different. Last week, in a deep conversation with my brother, he kindly pointed out the difference between he and I by saying I was "dreamy" (in a "you've-got-your-head-in-the-clouds" sort of way). He knows me well. 

I abhor complacency. I'm not interested in run-of-the-mill. Monotony feels like a slow and painful death.

I want to ski on all of the sunny winter days, I want to have a picnic in a different place every Sunday. I want to write a book(s) about birth, and ballet, and the different ways to cook an egg. I want photograph all of the damp green places in Ireland. I want to marvel at every sunset, every snowflake, every kiss, every exhale!  

And yet... I am here. I am in my life. There are dishes to be done, noses to wipe, relationships to work on, groceries to be bought, and Mondays every week.

 I feel thankful, I do. But I also feel my bones strain. 

I haven't reconciled this divide yet. I know there has to be a balance between the magnificent and the mundane. Still searching...

I'll share more as I discover it along the way.