sending them off

(awake, happy, fed, teeth brushed, hair combed, beds made, lunches packed, homework finished, ON TIME and headed out the door this morning)

I haven't spoken much about my decision to send the kids to public school. It has taken me some time to sort through it all in my mind. Last year was difficult. I made it through just barely. When I stop and think about all the things that I was trying to do- and do well- it makes a lot of sense why I nearly had a nervous break down (I'm not kidding).  Just being a mom to 4 kids is a full time job in itself. Add to that teaching 3 different grades, managing a very busy toddler, keeping up with the housework, teaching childbirth classes, attending births... I'm having anxiety just thinking about all of it. Simply put: I was spread too thin. 

Now that the kids are back at school I'm adjusting to my new role. I'm finding that I love having the time to just focus on nurturing them. It's so great to be able to sit with them and ask, "How was your day today? What have you been thinking about lately? Tell me about the book you are reading? What was the funniest thing that happened to you this week? What do you think I would like about your new friends? How are you feeling about your progress in math?"

I'm rediscovering my role as their mom. I've missed it because I was too busy being their teacher.

There are a lot of people who are able to successfully homeschool with families that are much larger than mine. I am in awe of what they are able to do- amazing. I still totally believe in the paradigm of educating kids at home. I just think I had to get to this place where I was honest enough to say... I can't do it. I need some order. I need some quiet. I need some time with my son who's toddlerhood feels fleeting. I need to be able to workout 5+ times/wk. I need all of those things. Carl was patient with me while I took the summer to uncover this stuff. I'm thankful that he's been supportive and encouraged me not to look at it as some kind of failure on my part.

The kids are adjusting well. We are blessed with wonderful teachers this year! And even though our mornings can be a little crazy *sigh* I know I made the right decision. I have peace.