::34::

"It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are."- EE Cummings

I am more me than I have ever been. It feels nice. I guess that comes with age? The older I get the more I seem to like who I am. At this point in my life I feel like I can be honest with myself. I know what I want and what I need. I'm getting better at taking ahold of it and leaving the guilt behind.  I'm also more gentle with myself. I'm forgiving past mistakes (hoping others will do the same) and allowing room for failure. So thankful for the grace that has been extended to me. 

I have, however, had some trepidation about this particular birthday. Age thirty-four was the last birthday my mother celebrated before she became quite ill with cancer. As my natural model, this is sort of where the blacktop ends with my mom. It's true I have a whole childhood of sweet and tender memories with her, but in terms of future reference-- it is fading each year that I get older. As I inwardly compare the time line of my mother's life to my own, I can see that up until now our lives have been very much the same. As much as I treasure my mother, and will always keep her close in my heart...this seems to be the place where we sort of part ways. Frightening and freeing. I am making my own map from here on out- and mostly as I go along. It's okay you know? I'm doing it (not always well) but I'm doing it. 

I am 34 today. I'm moving forward with love, and courage, and a spirit seeking adventure. I am happy, healthy, and alive. Thank you God.