Fastest 7 months of my life

Isn't amazing how a baby grows within a mother with virtually no effort on her part?  I mean, yes there are a few naps here and there, and maybe an extra bowl of cereal now and again...but for the most part I'm just being me.

And low and behold, the belly broadens. 

It might be better if it took a little more thought on my part.  Here it is, less than 12 weeks until my due date and I've hardly made any preparations. No nursery, no new "boy" clothes...still no name. It is hard to say this out loud because I love my children, and I love babies (I'm a doula for heaven's sake!) but I seem to be having a really hard time bonding. 

I know that there are several reasons that I feel somewhat distant to this little guy.  First off, it is a boy.  Little girls- that is what I'm familiar with.  I've gotten pretty good at the girl thing.  A boy?  I'm excited...it just feels a little strange thinking of a son.

Another reason I am having trouble connecting is just because I have such a full life already.  Mothering and homeschooling three little girls, being a wife, and managing my home is a major full time job.  I guess if I had a little more time to daydream my mind might wander more frequently to the reality of an impending birth!! 

Lastly, and I haven't spoken of this at all-- but the last several months assisting births at the birth center have been really hard.  Privacy laws prohibit me from saying much more, but it has been tragic.  I guess there is a level of fear that wasn't there before and that causes me to hold back somewhat.  Praying about this.

 

I am drawing strength, and hope,

and smiles from the sisters who patiently (or not so patiently) wait with me.  Their curiosity and affection towards their brother, even while he is tucked away in my womb, is so so sweet.

I know my heart will catch up with my belly. As he wiggles away while I type this very sentence, I can feel that it will.