like a sister- but better
/
We've known each other for as far back as we both can remember. I've loved her that long too. We've had all the joys of being sisters without the "sibling stuff" to mess it up. (We're cousins.)
She knows my whole story-- every last detail, even the ones that I'd rather she didn't. Crazy enough, she loves me just the same. Relationships with people who love you in a way that feels equal to the way you love them are rare. Total blessings. They hold you up, come to your rescue, tell you the truth, keep all your secrets, and find a way to make you laugh at yourself when you are crying about something stupid. Actually, with her I'm just laughing every other minute. How does she do that?
She is my wall for bouncing ideas off of. She gives me tough love and tenderness- all at the same time. She talks through the gray areas of life with me. She is completely transparent about her own faults/mistakes and never judges me for mine. She lets me wear her favorite shirt.
We've ridden a motorcycle (that ran out of gas) at night, along the canal, without the headlight on, to sneak out of the house.
We've layed for countless hours on the concrete next to the pool (she always wins in a back diving contest).
We've put make-up on before going to bed knowing that the boys were coming to our window that night.
We've smoked an entire pack of cigarettes in one night in the middle of December out on our apartment balcony, (that one turned out bad).
We (I) also set fire to the kitchen in that apartment.
We failed winter quarter together. (See the previous two). That was a hard season....lots of growing up.
We made several rough cut video tapes of our self-choreographed dance routines and lip singing numbers. (I called her when Whitney died...she was one of our favorites.)
We've jumped from the barn lofts into the hay, from the cliffs into the lake, and from the snowmobile seconds before it was about to hit a tree.
We've built the most amazing backyard forts that you've ever seen using only a few blankets, several kitchen chairs, and some thumbtacks.
She stood beside me when I said goodbye to my mother, when I wore that big poofy white dress, and in that moment when my first child took her first breath.
I cannot imagine life without her. She is more than a permanent fixture in my life. She is a permanent part of me.
We got to spend the weekend together, and against all odds we had fun. The kids were sick. Oy.
We packed the non-puking ones into the car went to the local farm stand (with the idea of making ours better).
We planted a little smooch on the rooster.
She grilled (expertly), we drank our first homemade iced tea of the season...
And even more awesome,
Her Dad came to dinner.
Can you see why I'm still smiling??? Oh man it was so good to have her here. I miss her already.
::11::
/"How can it be?" I ask myself this already knowing deep down it is true. Most days I forget that I'm a grown-up, and now you are eleven? Whoa. It's not a cliche, it really does go by so quickly. Where once there was a paunchy bellied, curly-haired girl sitting snug on my lap, there is now a lovely young lady sitting beside me.
Thank you Emma for being so full of grace towards me. For letting me grow up a little alongside you. For being long-suffering with my endless talking and for not being afraid when you see me cry. Thank you for being swift to forgive me when I mess it all up, for being the first one to ask for a hug. Thank you for finding all the things that I lose and for not making too much fun of me when you have to explain your math assignment to me.
The other day I heard you say (in complete frustration), "I don't get you Mom!" And I know. I know that we are standing on the cusp of big things. I find myself grasping at every last straw of your girlhood. You are literally changing right before my eyes. Growing up is hard. It can be so hard. There are days when I want to pull you aside and put my arm around you and just say over and over again, "I know. I know. I know."
But you are doing it. You are growing up and I am so proud of you. You are incredible inside and out. How did you manage to get your Dad's artistry, his deep blue eyes, long eyelashes, long legs, and his ear for music? All the good stuff! At least you got my hair :) You have strong convictions and I trust your heart. Thank you for wearing it on your sleeve sometimes.
I know I am pulled in a lot of different directions. I know that you don't always get the time with me that you want. I know it is not always easy to be the oldest, and that some days I ask a lot of you. I know our house is messy. It is not nearly as organized as you (or Dad) would like it to be. Every day is not easy. Thank you for reaching out for my hand and always being so free with your "I love yous." Thank you for rising to the challenges and serving others with a heart like Jesus.
Please know that it all began with you. You. You were the one that ignited the previously unknown-to-me place in my heart- a fierce corner that I never knew existed. You have taught me that I am capable of loving so fully- so vehemently. I remember leaving the hospital with you. I cried in the back seat sitting next to you. How could God possibly see me fit to care for you? To keep you alive? To shape and mold and love you enough? It was a mixture of total fear, total awe, and total honor.
Thank you for coming to us. You are a perfect expression of the love that Dad and I have. (Thank you for making barfing sounds when we kiss, pretending to think its gross. It makes us laugh.) Thank you for being our daughter and making it so easy to love you.
Happy 11th Birthday Emma.
Emma wanted to have a sleep over for her birthday. Pizza, ice cream sundaes, games, and a movie. What a delightful group of girls. So mannerly and they were all asleep by 11pm! What do you get an 11 year old for her birthday? Well, this and this and these of course!