live a little

My dear Great Aunt passed away last night. I hadn't seen her in quite some time, but she always left a lasting impression on me. There was so much to like about her. She told me once that my mother was her favorite niece. She called her "Baby Doll". It was like we shared this little bond in our affection for her. She was 90 years old and smart, and witty, and spunky until the end. It doesn't feel so much like a loss, but as someone close to me said- more like a chapter coming to an end. 

So, in light of her passing...I think we should all live a little.

Go out in the rain.

Get your boots muddy.

Laugh. Heck, whoop an shout.

Run fast, play hard.

Love.

Dream.

Imagine.

Do.

Leave something behind.

Because you're here, and because you can!

ps. sorta unrelated... but I love this picture. 

all blurry-eyed

I might be blurry-eyed, stiff bodied, messy haired, or even in the midst of a dream...

I may have just drifted off to sleep after coming home late from a birth, just barely closed my eyes again after consoling another from a nightmare, or be furious with my foolishness for staying up too late the night before...

I might complain, moan, groan, even cry out to God for mercy- begging for even just another 20 minutes of sleep....

But the truth is that I secretly love being woken up by this boy. His kisses, pinches (yes he pinches), and his too-boisterous-for-that-time-of-morning "Hi Mamas" are really the best way to start the day. I remind myself of this at 5:23am on a Saturday morning and promise myself to pay him back many times during his teenage years.

thinking...not so much

I am a thinker. Oh man I am a thinker. No one in the world can analyze, evaluate, rehearse, imagine, process, worry, wonder, and otherwise muddle a brain like me. Single-mindedness is not my strong suit. Part of it is par for the course when it comes to mothering. Yesterday I stopped and surveyed all that I was doing in one single moment. I realized that I was attempting to guide Laurel in her violin practice, help Hannah with a recipe that she wanted to make, dictate spelling words to Emma, and console a fussy/teething Ian on my hip (and on about 4 hours of sleep after having been up most of the night at a birth). Whoa. No wonder.

But even in the quiet, still, and rested moments,  I'm finding that there is just too much junk floating around in my head space. The thinking has turned unproductive.

It takes me away from where I should be.

Here.

So, I am doing a little housekeeping of the mental kind. Do you ever have to do this too?

(Ian's little picnic basket. He collects things from here and there and stores them for safe keeping.)

I'm parring down my thoughts. I am taking several of them captive. I'm letting stuff go. I am trusting things will work out. I'm lowering expectations. I'm wanting what I already have. I'm not trying to control. I am freeing up a lot of space.

I heard this quote last week. It is one thought that I am allowing myself to meditate on a little.

"The grass is always greener.... where you water it." 

Huh. Makes sense. Right? 

Trying to stay here, trying to water my own yard. 

Trying not to let my thoughts stray...