And We're Off

We have found a happy little rhythm already this year.

We had a skiff of snow last week. It was fun to have an excuse to spend some extra time outside. The fresh air really is wonderful medicine. Even if I have to make myself bundle up, I'm always refreshed and invigorated. Speaking of medicine, our family has been remarkably healthy this year. After our stint in public school last year (Hannah was ill with one cold/flu/ear infection after another from November through March), I was wondering how we would fare with less germy exposure this season. Much better. Much, much better. Thankfully. 

For the last few holiday seasons I have planted paperwhites. I am never, ever sorry. They are so lovely and perk up the grayest days of winter. I'll be sad to say goodbye to them. I wonder what other bulbs are easy to grow indoors? I'd like to just keep some permently on display. 

True to form, our Christmas tree was down by 9:30 am on December 26th- along with all the other decorations. Ahhh, a clean slate.  It didn't take me much longer go through the cupboards and toss out all the junk. I'm feeling so much better without all the sugar! The kids too have made good efforts to take more responsibility in feeding themselves healthy foods. Lately, oranges are all the rage. These beauties were found at Costco of all places and I'll be going back in a day or two to replace the huge bag that we have already devoured. 

Hooray for weekend babies. I've sort of gotten back in the game at the birth center. I really have missed it (driving there white knuckled, through freezing rain, in the middle of the night, and not getting to bed until 4 am and all.)  I just don't think that I will ever stop awing over the miracle of new life emerging, and the process by which we welcome these new little creatures. Amazing. 

I'm working on the homeschooling FAQs page and hope to have that up soon.

I've updated my reading list and added a link to my pinterest page. Oh man, there is so much to see. I have to limit myself otherwise I could just chase pinterest rabbit trails all day!

Hope you are settling in too.

Goodbye Twenty Eleven

(Taken in July at the Warrior Dash. It was not fun, but my friends pulled me through to the finish. Then I smiled. We were wearing 80's aerobic outfits.)

This past year has been about overcoming for me. Overcoming fears and anxieties and the exhaustion that accompanies all that worry.

My friend Kristen wrote a lovely post here about being confronted with the condition of our hearts under pressure. It made sense to me when she said,

"...when I am squeezed, the contents of my heart will come out."

I think that fear/worry/anxiety has always been a part of my life but I've always been able to cope with it and manage it well. This past year I found it bubbling just under the surface and sometimes spilling over. With four busy children (whom I love, but at this stage of their lives are doing more "taking" than "giving") and little sleep, I was struggling to relegate the anxiety into the corners of my life. It began to take center stage and brought some physical symptoms along with it. It alarmed me enough to really dig in and find some healing for my heart. I read this book which helped me so much. I also read this book over and over again. I sought out some counseling, and most of all...I just learned to let some things go.

You know what's funny? Do you know what was the most freeing thing to let go of?  

The unrealistic expectations that I had for myself.

It was such a revelation to realize that no one else expects me to cloth diaper my child. No one else cares if I feed my family 3 made-from-scratch-and-completely-organic meals a day. No one else expects me to weigh 120 lbs and be in tip-top shape. It's not realistic for me to expect that I would be capable of patient and creative parenting at every turn. My friends don't expect thoughtful gifts/emails/phone calls weekly. I had to lay down boundaries with those who thought it was reasonable to expect that I would have all the towels washed, smelling fresh, AND be free from resentment.

I know that it sounds silly, but I had a lot of my personal internal value attached to "being" these kinds of external things. Who could ever do all of that? And if you could, why would you have any need for a Savior? I was putting myself under this huge weight of burden. 

My value does not and will never come from what I do. It is never enough...it will just never be enough. Broken, imperfect, marred by sin, Jesus thought me valuable enough to lay down his life for me. His grace towards me-- that's where I find my value. I've known this up in my head for all of my life... but last year I really had the opportunity to flesh it out- to let it settle down into my heart. 

It's a processes. Little by little I'm getting there. 

Twenty Twelve is going to be about: reinventing, reigniting, dusting off, peeling layers, walking upright, smiling, laughing, trusting, and loving with an open hand. 

Happy New Year! Adventures await.

bright spots

It's been grey here.  We've had an inversion.

There have been a few bright spots, however.

Ian loves playing in the sink. I love how it doubles for a bath and also allows me to get the dishes done.

I had a lovely time over-night shopping last weekend with my Aunt and cousins. (My cousin made me that photo wine bottle!!) More than anything I just really enjoyed the company and laughing a lot. ALOT. I have done the bulk of my buying online, however. In fact, just this evening I finished buying for the kids. Nothing beats bargin hunting (I'm not a good bargin hunter) in your slippers while sipping an irish creme on the rocks.

Our advent calendar is still not finished (um it's about 4 years old now). We run out of mittens on December 14th...but it is cheery to look at none-the-less. I just put candy in it this year. 

Also:

In a bold move I took down Ian's crib and set up his toddler bed. It was cold turkey, all-or-nothing. So far: success. He's gotten out of bed twice each time I've put him down, but after firmly telling him to "Get back in your bed!" He did. 

I made this recipe the other night and I totally expected it to bomb, but the kids devoured it and we ate it again for lunch the next day. (If you make it...don't use as much sauce as is called for. I used maybe a 1/2 of what was there.)

This is good too. (I used real bacon.)

These boots are coming our way. (Everyone picked their favorite color, green for Hannah). I was browsing on Zappos a few days ago and noticed I had a $207 credit. What?? I'm not sure where that came from...but I'll take it. 

We've attended 2 Christmas parties so far. I wore this hairstyle to one, and this to another. I just love all the merrymaking.

My paperwhites are coming up. 

Now all I need is some sun.