Beauty that soothes

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Yesterday I sat down with my laptop for all of 20 minutes. In that space of time I registered Laurel for soccer, signed Hannah up for her next two swim meets, added money to hot lunch accounts, took a peek at the dates for summer camps, and looked at the "on call" calendar for the birth center. That was it. Time ran out. 

I miss writing. 

There are so many, many thoughts and questions swirling around in my head. Sometimes I don't know how I feel about anything until I'm able to write about it.  Writing helps me process, reflect, and figure out. My mind is a little cluttered and unkept at the moment.

For now, taking pictures seems to be the primary creative outlet for me. Slowing down to see, turning around to look again, inching closer, getting higher- just noticing. I need that. There is so much beauty all around. Capturing it somehow soothes me.  

This was last night in the wheat fields behind my house:

“The Earth would die if the sun stopped kissing her.”
— Hafiz, The Gift

I'll find my way back to writing soon. We do that with all of our first loves don't you think? Thanks for hanging in there with me. XOXO

she woke me up

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This morning at 6:22am I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder and a small voice telling me that she was sorry for using my camera without asking, but that she knew I wouldn't want to miss seeing the sunrise. I did not take these photos. Emma did.  (I did not edit them either.)

 It was sweet that she thought of me. I love it that she was going slow enough to notice the sky. I'm glad she took the risk of capturing it. It's affirming to know that she sees me pouring myself into things that I enjoy. I'm thankful she recognizes that beauty is for beholding. 

I know it's hard mamas, but make time for yourself. Do things that you love. Your kids are watching you. Trust me when I say that I'm just now beginning to see what a gift it is that we're giving them. 

Just look at that sunrise. 

scenes from spring break

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I took the kids over to Olympia this week. The change in scenery was refreshing.​ Salty air, trees!!, moss, shy visitors to my dad's yard, even the grey skies--  all so lovely.

Sometimes I resign myself to the thought that having four kids excludes me from adventure/exploration. I'm not going to lie, It's a big deal traveling alone with them. It requires patience, preparation, a ton of energy, and it never fail fails- someone always pukes. Often times I'm overwhelmed and tempted to not go.

But getting out of our routines and familiar surroundings seems to open up this magical little space of time where we ​grow. Exponentially. Together. We are on the same plane of awe, and wonder, and experience, and they teach me. Children require a pace that allows freedom to follow their wanderings. In turn, we discover the most amazing marmalade filled croissants at a waterfront coffee stand. We hover over a snail that we've never seen before, and watch it leave a trail of slime. We spend 15 minutes laughing at the way the drinking fountain squirts water in our faces... I would've missed all of it had they not shown me.

It's messy. At some point we will get lost. There is always crying.  Rest assured we will argue. ​And in the end, we are worn out. However, what we take home is a delight in new experience, and memories etched in laughter. ​

I love these kids. I love our adventures.​

“People seem to think you should stop living when you have children, you should settle and stay. But i could never. They’d be missing out on too much adventure. All of us can travel and experience together, making memories, photographs, stories… most people may want to live first and then have children, but for me, having children will be living.”
—  Nirrimi Firebrace